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Empathy's End

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Empathy's End

Post  Nepenthe on Fri Oct 21, 2011 7:17 am

A poem*slash!*rant written about a year ago.



There is no soothing of this suffering mind
My will is dying, near mentally blind
As the only light in sight peers through the fogged up looking glass of these lying eyes
But I don't wish to be like you for I can only spite you
I cannot relate to you when I only bait to you

Ignorance isn't always bliss because if it were then I would be a happy individual
It's just that I'm incapable of knowing how to act or how to be
It's like I don't even me!
Like I'm just a bad actor in a movie
A fucked up character in a black and white movie
So disassociated all the time that sometimes I don't think when I speak, I don't think when I act
It's like I'd rather not speak at all
I'm so sick and tired of having to be wrong all the time when my ideas and ideals change to shit
To not know what's right or what's wrong or what's up or what's down
So let me ask you; do you see the frown that's tattooed in red on this ridiculous clown?

Heavy chested, my minds congested
Defective and broke, brain's infected
So now nears my last testament to the life I have rejected and all that I've regretted
Through this journey with this demon who's only mind raped and molested

But I try, of yes I fucking try to be a content and independent individual!
But no matter what I do nor no matter what I perceive it's like nothing ever seems to matter to me
It's like I can never be happy
It's like I can never be right or in the right state of mind
It's like I'm either too fucking rude or just too fucking kind
Should I be reprogrammed in the mind since I have always despised and hated my entire existence as a lie?
See, this is what I mean when I say that I'd rather not speak at all
I'm just simply trying to say something, but who the fuck am I kidding when I am always losing and never winning?
To not know if you're insane or just too sane
Like a rotting corpse wasting away with a full blown functioning brain
So tell me...what what would you really think of me if you really truly knew me and the method of my ways?

A cheerless disgrace? A weary waste of space?
Or A hypocrite of the human race that always ends up last in place?
The tactics of my ways just tend to be too tentative
Perpetual are my ways of seeming just too sensitive

So honestly, the only reason as to why I'm still here is because I have no way of ending it without fucking up again
There's no trust in myself and no trust in the method of my death
I just feel so fucking numb to everything
It's so awful to feel so god damn week and incapable of coping
Since there's no point in even caring or persevering or even trying or even hoping
Just constantly thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking under the gravity of persistent insecurity and self loathing
I'd rather not wake up at all
There is nothing left to do or say when I am contemplating suicide each and every fucking day
It's just tough to want to care when my whole life has been based around weakness, dependency and a failure to live
I'm so sick of suffering internally while I yearn to sleep eternally with deepest condolences to my family and friends since all that now remains is empathy's end

I realize I'm worthless
So you think I'm selfish?
A coward?
You know, you're not far from I
Even if we don't see eye to eye
Even you're not sure of what is real
You cannot grasp what I feel

Can I sense a bit of empathy?
So sorry to say that all I feel is apathy
I just don't care anymore
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Nepenthe

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Join date : 2011-08-25
Location : Texas

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