Laughter In A World Of Languor

[Nepenthe]

I just wrote this one. I haven't been able to write or comprehend anything in awhile. At least not for a few months. I was losing hope that my only healthy coping mechanism was fading. But I guess I came out with something somewhat worthy.



Laughter In A World Of Languor


Bleakness...
Weakness...
Distress...
To wish for the best or to blindly wish for death?

Below confusion
Below guilt
Below this useless wall of protection I have built
Below scum
Below rot
A mere impossibility to grasp your food for thought

Hollow...
Grey...
Numb...
Just a shadow of the shadow of a man I was never meant to become

Below reason
Below waste
Below the comprehension of that little word called faith
Below confusion
Below lies
Melancholy and I are eye to eye as we're such "loving" allies

It's like no life can enter me now
It's an existence of practice as a practical vegetable
Reality's not legible when one's rendered so merely mindless
Most humor and pleasure's been void
To feel so pathetically spineless
My spirit and soul are annoyed
A buckshot to the brain shall black out this blindness
To erase what has become of me...
An obtuse and absolute reflection of lunacy

Poisons serve such a slight affect
Solely to enhance this melancholic trance
Yet to dance with the blade barely takes off the edge
All I yearn for's to stand tall and plunge right off that ledge!
To brace then embrace for the fall...
A downfall from the edge of that bridge
A suicide for all to see
The outcome of a tormented and twisted reality

All is going wrong...
Please, demoness be gone!

I now speak to you who's inside of me!
Yeah, I know who you are!
You live inside my soul and thrive behind my eyes
Sucking out and spitting out my spirits!
Mocking every minimal mistake and every deed I dare to try
Laughing at every tear and frown and all that tends to bring be down
You snicker with bitterness as you laugh without a sound
Piercing my pride just when I've gotten my head above the ground

I've lost myself to you
But the lost can still be found
Momentarily you've got me mixed up inside
Meshed with every emotion blazing between despair and anger
Bottled up and fermenting in a murky world of languor

I urge you to free me upon this behest
So this is not a request no less a fucking question
I command that you free me
Release me before I bring out the weapons...