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The purpose of this forum

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The purpose of this forum

Post  Mim on Wed Sep 21, 2011 7:18 am

Before I offer too many more posts with advice in them, I feel I should ask: is this, in fact, a recovery forum? Or am I to take it, from the presence of a small recovery-specific section, that this board is primarily for discussion purposes, and accepts both pro self-harm and pro-recovery discussion?

My usual tack is to offer what I see as the most direct or expedient solutions, but often, when confronted with questions such as how to hide, deal with others' reactions, etc., the most direct and efficacious solution is...recovery. I don't want to offer a lot of well intentioned advice if it's going to fall on deaf ears, or worse, land myself or someone else in hot water with the powers that be.

Thank you,
Mim.
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Re: The purpose of this forum

Post  Unrepentant on Thu Sep 22, 2011 8:36 am

It's a bit of both. It was good for me when I was very resistant to recovery and it is good now while I am recovering. It doesn't allow people giving out their methods so it is probably not really "pro" but more accepting that it does happen and giving us a place to talk about the reality of life with SI.

I *would* say, though, that although recovery may seem to be the most expedient and obvious solution to most of the problems but it is often not the most realistic (especially cold turkey without addressing the issues). So while we are on the road to recovery we still have to deal with these issues. I have scars forever, so I will still need to know how to hide them and how to deal with people's reactions. Recovery does not fix this.

I think we're all pretty tolerant in any case. You probably won't find get into too much hot water unless you actually behaved really badly and abused someone. So well-intentioned advice is unlikely to cause trouble.
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Re: The purpose of this forum

Post  TheButler on Thu Sep 22, 2011 9:31 pm

It is not a small recovery section. It is seperate and larger inside. Myself and Mathew made that part of the forum as Recovery friends he was apart of was also closing down. GDM said we can make this, and to those who chose to recover and posted there would have more respect and encouragement than the rest of the forum as it is his most important part of the forum to us. It is not small it is only underused as not many have completely come to the recovery stage and it was made origionally for Eating disorder recovery.
This forum is the same as SIF1. It is a place where we can be who we want to be and admit we harm ourselves and not be judged. If I said I cut to the mother for instance she would ignorantly assume I am suicidal and I would be hospitalised where that is not needed.
This is a place of recovery and continuing of self harm where there are no trolls, no theropists and no councillors telling us we are wierd or fucked up. It is where we all understand each other and offer not only support but a true bond and friendship.
I have made so many friends I never thought possible and it is thanks to the forum and this new one.
I feel we are not pro as we do not want another to harm or to tell them how to. But we do want to have somewhere where we are not judged and we are ourselves no matter what has happened.... we all understand each other. I would give anything for it to never stop.
Yours sinccerely, D.

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Re: The purpose of this forum

Post  Revenant on Sun Sep 25, 2011 5:00 pm

It's mainly centered around the idea of discussion, period. Though there's some stuff said here that bothers me, I think it's good in some ways to have an open place to talk where the mods and members don't ram recovery down your throat, so to speak.

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Re: The purpose of this forum

Post  BriarRose on Mon Sep 26, 2011 6:21 am

Just a note on the, if we are pro or against SI- I don't think it has to be strictly either. That said, this isn't a place to advocate SI or offer tips. It IS a place to advocate for understanding and acceptance of those who SI. At least, that's how I've always thought of the forum. There have been times where I havn't wanted to stop, and I could still come here for support. There have been other times where I was trying really hard to quit, and this was still a place I could come to.

Hope that helps a little. Smile

take care eveyone

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Re: The purpose of this forum

Post  Revenant on Mon Sep 26, 2011 7:03 pm

^ I think that's important to remember: it doesn't necessarily have to be either one or the other. A person's individual attitude may change all across the spectrum of opinion. That's normal, really, especially given that, to some of us, SI is the worst and the best method we have. Some have been let down by docs, support, or family/friends. It can be hard to hate something when you get to a place where it's the most reliable thing you've had for over a decade.

At the same time, though, it's important to respect people who want to quit. And I admit I'm not above repeatedly telling someone who's just started to try and seek help if they can. It seems like many (even some docs) feel that some SI is "worse" than others, because of physical damage, frequency, compulsion, or whatever else. I'd like to think forums like this could undo that damage, at least for its members.

Sorry. I'm a little off-topic. -_-
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Re: The purpose of this forum

Post  BriarRose on Mon Sep 26, 2011 8:19 pm

I totally agree with trog. Right now I am working on quitting, but that doesn't mean I'm going to shove quitting advice down everyone's throat. This is a place to not feel alone; if you are SIing to not feel like the only one who society says is weird, and if you are trying to quit not feeling like the only one on the planet who has urges after 10 months of being clean. So yeah. I totally agree with trog. Very Happy

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Re: The purpose of this forum

Post  Tojeem on Wed Sep 28, 2011 2:21 am

I agree that it's a bit of both... but I think that, when not helping people to quit, it's more "neutral support" than "pro-self harm discussion".

To me, SIfriends offers help to those who need it, but doesn't judge or actively try to stop people from SIing when they don't want to. We're here when you want to quit, and here when you don't. That's what I love about SIfriends.

I've never used the recovery section, so I can't really speak about it. But I know that in the "main" section of the forum, advice is encouraged but open discussion of self harm isn't discouraged. There are limits... it's against the rules to give advice on how to cut (e.g. the best way for pain, etc.), unless it's regarding safety. A lot of the advice given in the General forum is based on, say, people's reactions to cutting, or how to tell your boss you cut. That sort of thing. But there's plenty of advice on the more medical aspects of cutting too. You just have to be more careful when giving it.

Whether or not it's alright to offer recovery as advice... well, if it's relevant, and you don't preach recovery to people, I don't think it would be a problem. But your comment about deaf ears may have some truth... if we aren't in the recovery section, we may not want recovery advice. But people here are all very nice and understanding, and they'll be thankful for it no matter the outcome. And anyway, a lot of people use both the "main" and "recovery" sections of the forum interchangeably, so the advice would probably be useful to someone.

In short, I wouldn't worry about giving recovery advice, unless it'll obviously harm people, or if the person you're talking to says they want it. Welcome to the forum!


Last edited by Tojeem on Sat Jan 28, 2012 9:44 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Re: The purpose of this forum

Post  Harlequin on Fri Sep 30, 2011 9:08 pm

So what are the rules against tip sharing and such?


Last edited by Harlequin on Sat Oct 01, 2011 5:58 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: The purpose of this forum

Post  NeverDeepEnough on Sat Oct 01, 2011 3:51 am

I'd be surprised to find anyone here who is "Pro-SI". In my mind, "Pro-SI" would mean that you would recommend it to others as a good coping mechanism and I don't think anybody here would, I certainly wouldn't. We all know how destructive it is and we're all for other peoples recovery, but I think for most of us, it's just what we do, it's how we get by, we want to be able to talk about it without disapproval.

There are forums for all sorts of problems where people meet and discuss their symptoms, experiences and feelings and I like to be able to do that with SI. Most places, it would cause chaos if talked about in the way we are able to do here, it would probably get a similar reaction as something vulgar and sexually explicit posted in a knitting forum for example. People would be horrified.

No, I don't want to hear "OMG! I can't believe you do that! That's sick! You need to stop!" every time I post, but I'm not going to get all bent out of shape over some advice from somebody with good intentions. I feel quite offended that you could think you would get banned or something for offering recovery advice, it's like you think we're all crazy and cultish.

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Re: The purpose of this forum

Post  Harlequin on Sat Oct 01, 2011 6:08 pm

NDE:
I recognize that SI works, and I have an affinity for it, so I'm reluctant to quit it. I think most people who self-harm have been through, or are in, a state of mind where they don't care deep down if they ever quit. Personally, I resent it when people who don't care about me put pressure on me to stop just because they can't deal with it. To me, my mindset makes me pro.

I think open discussion is all fair among people who self-harm. We've gotten ourselves into this mess, and are responsible for what happens as a result, so with that in mind, I don't see why we can't have both sides of the discussion.
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Re: The purpose of this forum

Post  NeverDeepEnough on Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:22 pm

Harlequin wrote:NDE:
I recognize that SI works, and I have an affinity for it, so I'm reluctant to quit it. I think most people who self-harm have been through, or are in, a state of mind where they don't care deep down if they ever quit. Personally, I resent it when people who don't care about me put pressure on me to stop just because they can't deal with it. To me, my mindset makes me pro.

If you put it that way, then all addicts would consider themselves pro whatever their addiction is.

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Re: The purpose of this forum

Post  Harlequin on Sat Oct 15, 2011 8:21 pm

Well, I think you're comparing apples and oranges.

A true physical dependency--alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, etc.--is different from SI; whether self-harm can legitimately be considered an addiction, physical or psychological, is still a matter of debate, because self-harm's mechanisms aren't fully understood.

Now that I'm done quibbling, I will agree that, by the loose definition I've offered, almost every addict is, at some point in their addiction, "pro" their substance of choice. Think about people who have more socially open addictions, such as cigarettes or caffeine. If there's less, or no, social pressure to quit, people will not only go right on with their addictions, they'll come up with cute merchandise to celebrate them.

I guess I'm not completely sure what you're trying to get at. It sounds to me like we're in agreement.
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